Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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