I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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