i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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