shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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