normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
