Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
