thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
