Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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