I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
...so i touched it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
