I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
