Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
