Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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