So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i came on her dog
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
