genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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