i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize