I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
