Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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