How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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