I think I died a long time ago.
it hurts more in the daytime
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
