Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
