i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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