____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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