too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
