it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
