VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
