conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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