he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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