I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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