Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.