I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
