i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
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She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
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Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it