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Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
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