True but thats because hes a fetus.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You had me at "let me see your balls"