And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.