atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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