Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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