I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
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I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
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Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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