she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
