i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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