Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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