I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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