Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
