if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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