feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
