Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
