Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Are we still banned from the library?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
