Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
