Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
