she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
