Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
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I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
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I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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