What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
you are never too drunk for berry picking
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
