if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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