some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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