I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
