Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
