You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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