Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Randomize
