this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
