I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
