She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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