it wasn't lemon gatorade
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
