the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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