Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
