Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
