We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
