turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
