ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
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I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
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guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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