We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
