last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
