Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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