I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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