saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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