Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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