Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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