It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
