there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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