Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
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Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
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this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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