don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
