i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
