dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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