I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
