"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
