Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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