You're a womanizer and a bitch.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
