I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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